I hardly blog about my dad. Very few people even know how I really feel about him. We have a complicated relationship. It is not your typical father-daughter relationship. We don't talk much, and I doubt he even knows how much I love him, and how much I appreciate and feel loved with all the little things he has done throughout my life.
Niether one of us are big talkers. I am not very good at expressing my emotions into words, or starting small talk. Yeah, I can write a poem or blog about an experience, and make the reader understand so deeply, you cry in relation, but for some reason I can't just come out and talk to my dad very well. It has always been that way. He is exactly the same. He doesn't express how he feels either, he expresses it in the things he does, usually.
For example, I remember one year when I had surgery and was in the hospital. Now, mind you, any of you who know my mother KNOW how incredibly amazing she is, and she was ALWAYS there for me. Always the first one I saw coming out of recovery, always the one there with me through doctor's appointments, etc...
Anyway, I remember one instance I was in the hospital, and for some reason or another it was my dad who stayed with me that night. I was at Phoenix Children's Hospital, which of course is right down town, and the helipad was very close to where my window was. My dad was sleeping next to my bed in one of those fold out chairs.
Well, I woke up in the middle of the night, in the dark, scared to death of the helicopter that was landing. You know, lights flashing, propellers roaring... I look over, and of course my Dad is snoring loudly. Then I said, "Daddy I'm scared." My dad didn't do much, he simply reached his hand through the bed rail and took my hand and held it. I remember feeling safe, and I shortly fell back to sleep after that.
I don't know if this next experience was the same surgery or not, but it also took place while I was in the hospital. All I remember, is that it was supposed to be my first time walking after my recent surgery, and the physical therapist was there, (probably mom too) along with my dad.
Well, I remember being in so much pain, just when they got me standing upright on a walker, I was crying and screaming, not a happy child at all. The PT wanted me to walk across the room, and I thought I was going to die! That's when I remember, my dad talked to me. He said, "Mel, you can do this and if you do this I will take you down to the cafeterria for ice cream." Well I apparently did it, because I very fondly remember that walk with my dad, in a wheelchair on my way to get ice cream. I knew my dad was proud of me.
And now, probably my most favorite of all, is when I turned 16. For a lot of teenagers 16 was a big deal. Of course that is the age of rite of passage when it comes to driving. But for me, I didn't really think anything of it, I didn't really think I was going to drive, so it was not a lot to look forward to, other than the big sweet sixteen party I had planned at my Dad's house. All of my friends were there, from school, camp, church, even a few from the internet, I hadn't even met yet.
So, here I was enjoying being with all of my friends in one place, when my dad comes in and interupts. He proceeds to tell me, "Melody we forgot the ice cream, come with me to the store." So being clueless as I was, I say ok, and I leave my own party to go with my dad in his convertable to the grocery store. We get to the end of the block, and he turns around and stops. He says, "Get out." Of course, I was rather confused, "Huh?"
My dad then repeats himself, "Just get out." So I listen, he then tells me to sit down in the driver's seat. It was then that I realized what was really happening. Below stearing wheel, I notice a lever that basically looks like another turn signal. "Drive" he says, "This is gas and this is brake, and this is a suicide knob you use to turn the wheel."
So I start to drive back to the house. Every single one of my friends were apparently informed on the secret by my step mom while I was gone, because EVERYONE was out on the driveway cheering for me.
There are no words to explain how I felt that night. Hearing the sounds of my friends and family cheering me on, I was on top of the world. Even though I don't drive now, I feel like, just the fact that my dad was willing to do that for me, to show me that I could, and how much he believed in me, means everything to me.
Even though my family may not be the ideal you would consider. And even though, it may not seem to the outside world that my dad and I have the healthy father and daughter relationship, in his own way, he always tries to show me how much he really cares. I believe we have a lot of meaningful silent conversations. And for that I will always be thankful.
"A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart." ~Author Unknown
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me." ~Jim Valvano