If Only

It seems like I always had so much on my mind, and so much insight to share, and now it seems as though life is just busy and we are just experiencing the same old stuff. Maybe that is my problem. It really can't be a good thing. Usually I am so spiritually minded with a lot of things to share with the world. I mean, heck, anyone who knows me at all knows that I have been sharing my story on the internet since I was a sophomore in High School. That is 12 and a half years ago now. Though, it is funny, as I recall, my website always slowed massively down whenever I was married. I believe that is the hardest things for me, in motherhood and marriage... I often get to a point where I feel as though I am so busy focused on everyone else's daily happenings that I seem to lose my mind in the process.

I really need to get in the habit of writing when my life starts to get bland. Because once I start typing, something special seems to come out.

The poem I am about to share, was written five years ago. Which, if you ask me, seems like a completely different lifetime. So, even though this poem isn't really how I am feeling right now, I think many of us have bad days or bad moments when it seems it could be this way sooner or later. Plus, I am sure many of us, man or woman, can relate to it on some level. It is that powerful calm you get that washes over you in pleading with the Lord, knowing that everything is okay, including you.

Since I just gave a talk this past Sunday on prayer, I have been thinking a lot about it. This poem isn't about the desperation, but about the peace that comes after the trial, and putting your faith in the Lord.

If Only

If only I could see

Who I really am

Dig deep into my heart

And pull out a gem

If only I could be

That person that you'd see

A lady full of happiness

And sincere integrity

I used to be so strong

I used to really believe

But now my faith is fading

And my soul is lingering

So Father will you help me?

Help me to see

Find the beauty deep within

And who I want to be

I want to be thy servant

I want to be thy friend

Help me to know how

To grasp and hold on to thy hand

Father, will you teach me?

To be the woman that's enough

A good mother to thy children

And a wife that's full of love

I want to be an angel

Who's guided from above

My spirit to be lifted

I want to feel thy love

Dearest Heavenly Father

I know that you are near

You've put your arms around me

And listened to my prayer

Someday I will be

The woman that you see

A queen inside thy kingdom

For all eternity.

By the way, I do not keep track of what I have shared online and what I haven't, so if you have read this before, well, guess what...you needed to read it again! :)