The Past, the Future, and Today

The more and more I think about it I am absolutely amazed at how fast time seems to be going. I am amazed how grown up the girls have become. It half breaks my heart everyday. The three of us went through so much together, and it blows my mind where we have ended up. We have many blessings now that I couldn't have even begun to imagine back as a single mom in California. Most important, the girls have the influence of a father in their lives. Not only Bryan, but Russell. They have been able to build a relationship with their dad, in spite of the three years of lost time.

Yes, I know I can't turn back time. Samantha is already almost nine, and I remember fun times when she was four dancing on the couch. And then, Laci and her little squeaky gibberish. Back when the center of her world was her big sister and her little stuffed dog. I am realizing everyday that I don't have toddlers anymore. They are both in school all day now, and though bringing me joy everyday, it is hard not to wish to take them back to that time of greater simplicity.

We have grown, and experienced much together. Through the years, I am grateful I am to have had them on this adventure of growth and challenge. They are my little companions in life. The journey to this point would not have been so enjoyable. In some ways, I think, I would not have made it without them. It was them, and their dependence on me, that kept me going on those hard days. Not to mention, the undying help of a loving Heavenly Father. Though, yes, there are some experiences I wish I could have protected them from having to go through, I am grateful we all have overcome with grace and a smile.

Looking forward, I wonder what is in store. I am excited to watch their personalities grow. I wonder what they will be like as teenagers. Will they be best friends? It seems I get glimpses everyday. As a parent I can only make guesses. Samantha is full of compassion and awareness of those around her. She has a strong desire to make people comfortable, loved and happy. While Laci is the artist full of humor, with a love of animals, and animals love her back. It will be exciting to see how they decide to use their gifts and talents as they grow up.

In the mean time, I will just continue to try and take it one day at a time. I need to look for what I am grateful for everyday, as to not focus too much on the past or the future, but the present.

"Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.

Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say “I love you” more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of “what if” and “if only.” Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, 'The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.' " -Thomas S. Monson October 2008 General Conference

January 2007