I can't believe it is Thanksgiving time again! This makes me happy! We have so much to be grateful for. As I have said recently, amidst all the trials, miracles seem to be filling my life. Bryan and I have been trying to get pregnant for about two years, and a little extra. It has been very emotional on both of us. Hard on Bryan, because he would like more than anything to have a child of his own, and especially a boy, to carry on his family name. Hard on me, though it may sound selfish, being a diligent birth-mom, and having made the decision to place my baby boy for adoption, knowing I could have taken care of him, but knowing it was what the Lord wanted and the miracle he brought to the world around him. Now, wondering why I couldn't have a miracle for myself.
There are a few people who knew of the situation, and I am forever grateful for their ongoing support and prayers. One of those people is actually Jen, Tyler's mom. I told her of my heartache, and she seemed to understand my pain. I feel so blessed to have someone who truly understands, and yet cares so deeply about me and my happiness.
Finally in September we went to the doctor with our concerns. She ordered tests. The tests came back in mid September, and they came back bearing bad news. We were told that we would likely not be able to conceive without invitro fertilization. This of course, is very costly, and not a guarantee. So, though it wasn't completely impossible for pregnancy on our own, the 2% odds were not in our favor.
My doctor was really supportive. We were touched by her reaction. She said she would love to continue to be my woman's care doctor. She also said, "I don't know your religious background, but there are two woman in the Bible who were told they wouldn't be able to have kids, and God provided them with children. Don't give up completely." I am grateful to have a good doctor, who seemed to be inspired to say what she did at the time.
Throughout this whole ordeal, my mom has been a great support. Because of the recent premature birth and of my older brother, who died shortly after birth, the doctors told her that she should go on birth control for at least three months. She refused. A previous diagnosis had been given that she did not have but a year that her body could sustain a pregnancy. Her response to the doctor was, "If God wants me pregnant, then I will get pregnant." I was born 361 days after my brother. Just four days shy of the one-year deadline. My mom has told me this story several times, being the miracle story of my birth, but it really hit home now.
It was hard for Bryan and I, but we accepted it. No longer did we have to plan on a bigger vehicle, or a bigger home. No longer were we calling out names we would see on TV, to cross as possible baby names. We adjusted. Over the next couple weeks, the baby names on TV became dog names. We would get more dogs.
It was now October. We all the normal October things. We put up Halloween decorations, bought Halloween costumes, and started gearing up for Bryan's parent's visit the weekend before Halloween. His parents were scheduled to fly in late Thursday, October 27th, and we planned on seeing them first thing Friday morning. To my dismay, I was sick all day Wednesday, with some kind of stomach bug. Thursday, still sick, I declared it the flu. Company was coming, and my house was a mess. Not only that, I'm likely contagious. What bad timing!
In my frustration, I started texting my mom. After a bit of correspondence, she sends me a texts that says, "Don wants to know if you are pregnant." Now, this was slightly awkward. I mean, with everything we had recently been through, how could my step dad crack a joke about me being pregnant? I let it go, and just responded with, "Not likely, but if I ever am, you will be second (technically third) to know!"
When I got up to use the restroom, I decided to take a pregnancy test just for kicks. After all, I had a bunch, expiring in January, and I could then take a picture and send it directly to Don as proof. That would teach him! I mean, who (especially male) wants to look at a used pregnancy test?
I took the test, and had to look at it several times. I even reread the directions, thinking I was misinterpreting it.
It was positive.
I didn't believe it at first. Sometimes it is still hard to believe. I went to the doctor as soon as possible, as this wasn't something that was suppose to happen, I wanted to make sure it wasn't all a joke. When the doctor found out why we were there, she was absolutely elated. She used the phrase, "tickled pink!" It has since been confirmed by the doctor and by ultrasound, with visual and audio heart beat. I am due June 21st 2012. Which means the baby was conceived the same week the doctor gave us the bad news test results.
Apparently Heavenly Father has different plans for this little family. He has been there all along. He heard our prayers, and was just waiting to bless us. After all the heartache we had been through, it seems He just wanted us to let go. Once we did, and put our faith in Him, then came the miracle.
"Fear not I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and do still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand.
When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie
My grace all sufficient shall be thy supply
The flame shall not hurt thee, I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine."
("How Firm A Foundation," LDS Hymnbook, #85, verses 3, 5. See also Isaiah 41:10)
Showing posts with label trials. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trials. Show all posts
11/19/11
11/1/11
Masterpiece
I feel so blessed with where life is right now. It makes me slightly nervous to admit it, knowing one day trials will come. But I figure, if we don't count our blessings, then they will be that much harder to look back on when we need something to hold on to when the hard times come.
I am grateful for miracles that happen in life. I have learned and relearned, and currently learning, that our Heavenly Father doesn't just give us half the miracle. He gives whole miracles. For example, my decision of adoption. That was a difficult choice, but a spiritual right choice. I knew it would bring both me and Tyler the greatest happiness. Finding his parents was a miracle, but how on earth was I ever going to be truly happy and go on in my life, finding my happily ever after? I did not know how it would work out, but somehow it continues to. And it seems, things continue to happen in my life, that bring me back to that life altering event, and I see how it is all connected. Though, He may give us one piece of the puzzle at a time, after patience and faith does the full miracle come. And it seems, no matter how many chapters we come to in life, all of the small miracles, have been woven themselves into a magnificent endless and eternal masterpiece. And He is the Creator.
I am grateful for miracles that happen in life. I have learned and relearned, and currently learning, that our Heavenly Father doesn't just give us half the miracle. He gives whole miracles. For example, my decision of adoption. That was a difficult choice, but a spiritual right choice. I knew it would bring both me and Tyler the greatest happiness. Finding his parents was a miracle, but how on earth was I ever going to be truly happy and go on in my life, finding my happily ever after? I did not know how it would work out, but somehow it continues to. And it seems, things continue to happen in my life, that bring me back to that life altering event, and I see how it is all connected. Though, He may give us one piece of the puzzle at a time, after patience and faith does the full miracle come. And it seems, no matter how many chapters we come to in life, all of the small miracles, have been woven themselves into a magnificent endless and eternal masterpiece. And He is the Creator.
3/21/10
There is Always Something More
After a fabulous day, I think it is time to sit down, take the time, and share what I have taken from today.
Today in church, I was asked to share an experience in my life dealing with a trial, and then being blessed in return. Well, I decided to share a condensed version of the story of Tyler, and my experiences with adoption.
My last night with Tyler, in the hospital alone, I spent hours looking into his all knowing eyes. His little spirit was so incredibly strong, I do not think I could properly relate it to anyone, if they were not there to witness it for themselves. I honestly believe that his spirit, being so close to the veil, knew who he was, and the situation in which he came down to earth. And now, looking back, I wonder if he knew what was in store. I wonder if he knew what was in store for me, and perhaps he was trying to tell me in someway, by sharing his soul with me. I will forever cherish those moments I had with him in our final quiet hours of the night.
I could not have remotely imagined that this is what was in store for me! 2 years ago, I was dealing with so much grief and loss, just struggling not to cry myself to sleep at night, worried I would see my baby boy's eyes when I closed mine. But now, 2 years and a few days later, I am sitting at my computer, staring at the screen wondering how to put into words what I feel I need to say.
Currently, my anthem of hope (one of many), "Hope Hiding" is resonating in my ears. I am reminded of those feelings, of letting go, of growth, and feeling peace, and that I was strong enough, and that my Father was looking out for me. I once thought that Tyler was the final chapter to a part of my life that needed closing. Finding peace with the adoption and moving on enjoying life, was the puzzle piece needed for the most spiritual experience of my life, to finish, and come about.
I have moved forward to a different chapter of my life. Soon after the adoption, I met Bryan. Bryan, a person who, at first glance would not be a person to fit into my life. Bryan had his own share of trials. Somehow, those trials prepared him to be with me. If you read my previous blog, you see how blessed I feel to have what I have. To have my children, to have my husband. This husband. The one in which I have no doubt I am meant to be with. I understand now, that though, I have been through two marriages that did not work out, they were meant to happen, only in God's grand design, to bring us together.
So it seems, though two years ago, I did not know what was in store. I was willing and ready to face it. Going back and reading, I think I really wasn't expecting anything less than more trials. I did not know what laid ahead, but I knew I was taken care of. There is no other words to use, than the grand design of the great creator some how he found a way. I have no idea how he has been able to piece our lives together so delicately, as to provide the trials we need to grow in faith, and pull things in we don't expect or have anything to do with to bless us and move us forward where we need to be.
“The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.” (Joseph B. Worthlin)
It seems to me, that maybe I was wrong. Life isn't in chapters at all. No, I thought finding peace in the adoption was the final chapter. But see, then I could also say, finding Bryan, working hard, and discovering happy marriage is the final chapter too. No, I do not think that is the case either, then what is it? Perhaps life isn't about succeeding at each chapter, but it is about realizing, that there will always be something more. That our work is never done. And more importantly, that the Lord, creator, and grand designer of our souls, will never be done with his work, in shaping us. It is about realizing through the pain that, "around every corner, though you're unaware.... there is hope hiding there."(Michael McLean, "Hope Hiding")
9/6/08
He Won't Let Me Fail Them
I wasn't going to blog about this. But I think I need to, just to get it out. Minus a few really bright spots in my week, this week has been really dark and hard for me. Usually by the time I am done writing, it turns to something positive, so hopefully that will happen.
Last Sunday was complete chaos at church. Laci was absolutely rambunctious in sacrament meeting. At one point, she needed to go to the bathroom. Usually I send her with Sammie. So that is what I did. Well that didn't work, they got out the door and Sammie came back in, saying Laci wanted me. So I got up, without thinking and started walking toward the door to help the situation. The next thing I know I am face planted on the floor in the middle of the isle. A few people offered to help me up. I got up and walked outside, I was so embarassed. I took Laci to the bathroom, luckily some ladies from the ward came in to check on us. Laci was refusing to even go in the stall and go to the bathroom. Then she put up a fight when we tried to go back in and I didn't have my chair.
She continued to be wiggly through the rest of sacrament, I was glad when it was finally over.
Then, 5 minutes before RS started, Laci was finally convinced to go to primary. She kept throwing a tantrum on the floor in the middle of the primary room. It was absolutely horrible. She hasn't been going to primary very well at all lately, and I have given up on knowing what to do anymore.
Tuesday was my birthday party, look at my previous blog for that. It was one of the highlights of my week.
When I got home Tuesday night, my throat started hurting again. By the end of the night, my voice was gone. I went to bed and woke up the next morning, all congested with a fever. Though the congestion has died down, my voice is still shot. But yay, I got a cold without turning dreadfully ill!
Wednesday was my birthday, and spent it sick. I didn't leave the house. But I have awesome friends, it was still a great day.
Thursday, I continued to be sick, I just relaxed, and just let Laci hang out and do her thing all day, the house was trashed by the end of the day. But I do think that is one reason why I am better now. I RELAXED.
That night, JoAnn came and helped me clean, YAY! And the RS stopped over. They asked me if i wanted help in church. I told them I would think about it. I need the help, I know. And I know, they aren't trying to judge me at all, and they just see a need. They are willing to sit with us and take Laci out if she needs too. But I just feel so inadequate. Laci is so big now, and strong, that I cannot battle her anymore. I feel unfit, and just not up to the challenge. I am trying really hard to remember that the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle, but this week has been hard for me.
I am not one that usually gets down easy, in fact I am being really out of character by posting this. I went and talked to my institute teacher on Friday, he gave me a blessing and some counsel. He reminded me of the words of Gordon B. Hinckley, that single mothers of young children have the hardest job there is, and that there is no way it is done without angels and constant care of a loving Heavenly Father.
I know that is true, everyone who reads my blog, knows I know that is true.
Tonight, Laci took a dry erase marker to the wall in their room, and I hit a breaking point. If it is not one thing, it's another. I need a break. I just want to get away and clear my head. It has just been a very trying week for me. I don't even want to go to church tomorrow. I know He will carry me through, He always does. I just need to be patient and keep going. Laci starts school Monday. That will give me some relief. But, I still think a break would be good.
He loves me, I will make it. He loves my girls, as much as I do, and I know He would not have entrusted them to me, if I was not capable of fulfilling that calling. Motherhood is the most important thing to me I have. I am so grateful to be a mom, and given a fair opportunity to raise these special spirits. The Lord knows what He is doing, even if I have no clue how to get through some days. But I will. And that is what matters.
A friend of mine from HS sent me a quote in an email on Facebook earlier this week. It has been a good reminder for me.
“Please remember one thing. If our lives and our faith are centered upon Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. On the other hand, if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be permanently right.”(President Howard W. Hunter)
Even though, I may feel like somewhat of a failure today, He disagrees, and He won't let me fail them.
See, I told you it would have a happy ending.
Last Sunday was complete chaos at church. Laci was absolutely rambunctious in sacrament meeting. At one point, she needed to go to the bathroom. Usually I send her with Sammie. So that is what I did. Well that didn't work, they got out the door and Sammie came back in, saying Laci wanted me. So I got up, without thinking and started walking toward the door to help the situation. The next thing I know I am face planted on the floor in the middle of the isle. A few people offered to help me up. I got up and walked outside, I was so embarassed. I took Laci to the bathroom, luckily some ladies from the ward came in to check on us. Laci was refusing to even go in the stall and go to the bathroom. Then she put up a fight when we tried to go back in and I didn't have my chair.
She continued to be wiggly through the rest of sacrament, I was glad when it was finally over.
Then, 5 minutes before RS started, Laci was finally convinced to go to primary. She kept throwing a tantrum on the floor in the middle of the primary room. It was absolutely horrible. She hasn't been going to primary very well at all lately, and I have given up on knowing what to do anymore.
Tuesday was my birthday party, look at my previous blog for that. It was one of the highlights of my week.
When I got home Tuesday night, my throat started hurting again. By the end of the night, my voice was gone. I went to bed and woke up the next morning, all congested with a fever. Though the congestion has died down, my voice is still shot. But yay, I got a cold without turning dreadfully ill!
Wednesday was my birthday, and spent it sick. I didn't leave the house. But I have awesome friends, it was still a great day.
Thursday, I continued to be sick, I just relaxed, and just let Laci hang out and do her thing all day, the house was trashed by the end of the day. But I do think that is one reason why I am better now. I RELAXED.
That night, JoAnn came and helped me clean, YAY! And the RS stopped over. They asked me if i wanted help in church. I told them I would think about it. I need the help, I know. And I know, they aren't trying to judge me at all, and they just see a need. They are willing to sit with us and take Laci out if she needs too. But I just feel so inadequate. Laci is so big now, and strong, that I cannot battle her anymore. I feel unfit, and just not up to the challenge. I am trying really hard to remember that the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle, but this week has been hard for me.
I am not one that usually gets down easy, in fact I am being really out of character by posting this. I went and talked to my institute teacher on Friday, he gave me a blessing and some counsel. He reminded me of the words of Gordon B. Hinckley, that single mothers of young children have the hardest job there is, and that there is no way it is done without angels and constant care of a loving Heavenly Father.
I know that is true, everyone who reads my blog, knows I know that is true.
Tonight, Laci took a dry erase marker to the wall in their room, and I hit a breaking point. If it is not one thing, it's another. I need a break. I just want to get away and clear my head. It has just been a very trying week for me. I don't even want to go to church tomorrow. I know He will carry me through, He always does. I just need to be patient and keep going. Laci starts school Monday. That will give me some relief. But, I still think a break would be good.
He loves me, I will make it. He loves my girls, as much as I do, and I know He would not have entrusted them to me, if I was not capable of fulfilling that calling. Motherhood is the most important thing to me I have. I am so grateful to be a mom, and given a fair opportunity to raise these special spirits. The Lord knows what He is doing, even if I have no clue how to get through some days. But I will. And that is what matters.
A friend of mine from HS sent me a quote in an email on Facebook earlier this week. It has been a good reminder for me.
“Please remember one thing. If our lives and our faith are centered upon Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. On the other hand, if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be permanently right.”(President Howard W. Hunter)
Even though, I may feel like somewhat of a failure today, He disagrees, and He won't let me fail them.
See, I told you it would have a happy ending.
3/16/08
My Faith Reaffirmed (Really long honest entry)
I am not going to lie. This week has probably been the hardest and LONGEST week of my entire life. It has been eight days since I left the hospital and me and my baby boy Tyler went our separate ways. It has been an emotional roller coaster since that moment I said goodbye. There is no other words to describe it. One second I would be perfectly doing okay, focused on something, only in the next to be completely in tears sobbing until I couldn't anymore. Everyone kept telling me, "This is only the first week, give yourself time to grieve." Heh.. They could tell me that all they wanted, but in those moments I really didn't believe a word they said. To me, it just didn't make sense how a mother with any heart could get over something like this.
I know I made the right decision, yet apparently, it's normal to doubt yourself when going through this.
The first night I was home at my sister's not only did I have plenty of sporadic breakdowns in the arms of my sister, and my mom, I couldn't even sleep in the room by myself. My step-sister Leslie had to sleep on the floor on an air mattress next to me, as I had fear of being alone and crying to myself all night.
The next day (Sunday) I went home to my house for the first time. First coming in, the house felt eerie, hollow, like something was missing. The last time I was there, after all, I was pregnant and still had time to bond with Tyler, thinking I wouldn't have to face the music for two more weeks. I am really glad my parents were there those first few days home. It was really good to be able to talk to my mom about the loss I was feeling and have a physical shoulder to cry on.
My sleep pattern has improved. Considering, it has been months since I have had a full night's sleep, I guess it is fair to not expect it your first night home after having a baby (even without a baby to wake you up every few hours).
I still have moments of great sadness (often), but I think it has gotten a lot better now. Now that I am able to do more independently, the girls and I are slowly getting back into normal routine. That helps me a lot. It seems that, all the change is hitting me at once. The move to Ephraim is hitting me now, realizing I really do not have many friends, the divorce (now that I just finished all the paperwork), and the adoption. It seems like all the doors of the past are closing, that Tyler was my last connection to it. t is time for me to get brave, and face whatever the Lord has in store for the future, even if I have absolutely what lies ahead.
I know there is a reason the Lord sent us to Ephraim at this time. #1 reason being Cass. I thought she and I had a special and tight bond before, boy was I wrong! She truly is my best friend and I do not know how I could make it through this experience without her. She has been there for me to cry with, to be a listening ear when I am an emotional wreck, and to give words of encouragement when I am scared, or self-doubting. I have called her at such random times of the day everyday, with such random things to be upset or need to talk about (like needing my garbage taken out at 9PM because my house stinks), and she is always there with an answer. For some reason, it is a lot easier for me to listen to my older sister than anyone else. It seems to mean more. Maybe she just seems easier to believe because I know she is coming from a perspective of this I haven't seen (being an adoptive parent herself). Maybe it is because I have spent a lot of my life just wanting to be like my sister, and for her to actually tell me I am doing good at something and she believes in me (even though she has thought that all along, I am sure), I can believe it.
Braden and Jen came for an extra visit today. Sam and Laci were sick last week when I was in the hospital, so they didn't get to see Tyler. Braden and Jen were wonderful and more than willing to come down this weekend so the girls could see him and hold their baby brother. I was a little nervous about seeing Tyler again, and having to say goodbye (again). Half the world was worried for me too, wanting to make sure I had someone here with me for emotional support. It went extremely well. It was a friendly visit. Just like I had hoped. We got some really cute pictures of the girls with Ty, and pictures of the four of us together as a family. It was really good for me to see him. More importantly to see him with his family, and see that he was taken care of. Now that he has been with them for a week, you can tell how much they already know and understand his needs. (It is amazing how fast you learn how to be a parent when thrown into it) It was good for me to see they were better with him than I was. They knew his cries, and what he wanted. I think it will make it easier for me to let go. Also, I realized today that they really do see it the same way I do. This week has been more about just missing Tyler, but missing Braden and Jen as people. In the short time we have spent together, especially in the hospital, has been an amazing bonding experience, and they have become two of my best friends, or perhaps, it feels more like brother and sister. Today was a manifest to me, that to them also, I am more than just Tyler's birth mom, but their friend, for life. I have no doubt it will stay that way. The Lord is the one who found them, not me. He couldn't have chosen any better. Of course, I do not think the Lord settles for anything less than the best.
It's not easy, it's hard, getting easier. For now, at this moment, I know everything is going to be okay.
P.S. I will post more pictures soon after I get them from everyone else. (I didn't take many with my camera)
I know I made the right decision, yet apparently, it's normal to doubt yourself when going through this.
The first night I was home at my sister's not only did I have plenty of sporadic breakdowns in the arms of my sister, and my mom, I couldn't even sleep in the room by myself. My step-sister Leslie had to sleep on the floor on an air mattress next to me, as I had fear of being alone and crying to myself all night.
The next day (Sunday) I went home to my house for the first time. First coming in, the house felt eerie, hollow, like something was missing. The last time I was there, after all, I was pregnant and still had time to bond with Tyler, thinking I wouldn't have to face the music for two more weeks. I am really glad my parents were there those first few days home. It was really good to be able to talk to my mom about the loss I was feeling and have a physical shoulder to cry on.
My sleep pattern has improved. Considering, it has been months since I have had a full night's sleep, I guess it is fair to not expect it your first night home after having a baby (even without a baby to wake you up every few hours).
I still have moments of great sadness (often), but I think it has gotten a lot better now. Now that I am able to do more independently, the girls and I are slowly getting back into normal routine. That helps me a lot. It seems that, all the change is hitting me at once. The move to Ephraim is hitting me now, realizing I really do not have many friends, the divorce (now that I just finished all the paperwork), and the adoption. It seems like all the doors of the past are closing, that Tyler was my last connection to it. t is time for me to get brave, and face whatever the Lord has in store for the future, even if I have absolutely what lies ahead.
I know there is a reason the Lord sent us to Ephraim at this time. #1 reason being Cass. I thought she and I had a special and tight bond before, boy was I wrong! She truly is my best friend and I do not know how I could make it through this experience without her. She has been there for me to cry with, to be a listening ear when I am an emotional wreck, and to give words of encouragement when I am scared, or self-doubting. I have called her at such random times of the day everyday, with such random things to be upset or need to talk about (like needing my garbage taken out at 9PM because my house stinks), and she is always there with an answer. For some reason, it is a lot easier for me to listen to my older sister than anyone else. It seems to mean more. Maybe she just seems easier to believe because I know she is coming from a perspective of this I haven't seen (being an adoptive parent herself). Maybe it is because I have spent a lot of my life just wanting to be like my sister, and for her to actually tell me I am doing good at something and she believes in me (even though she has thought that all along, I am sure), I can believe it.
Braden and Jen came for an extra visit today. Sam and Laci were sick last week when I was in the hospital, so they didn't get to see Tyler. Braden and Jen were wonderful and more than willing to come down this weekend so the girls could see him and hold their baby brother. I was a little nervous about seeing Tyler again, and having to say goodbye (again). Half the world was worried for me too, wanting to make sure I had someone here with me for emotional support. It went extremely well. It was a friendly visit. Just like I had hoped. We got some really cute pictures of the girls with Ty, and pictures of the four of us together as a family. It was really good for me to see him. More importantly to see him with his family, and see that he was taken care of. Now that he has been with them for a week, you can tell how much they already know and understand his needs. (It is amazing how fast you learn how to be a parent when thrown into it) It was good for me to see they were better with him than I was. They knew his cries, and what he wanted. I think it will make it easier for me to let go. Also, I realized today that they really do see it the same way I do. This week has been more about just missing Tyler, but missing Braden and Jen as people. In the short time we have spent together, especially in the hospital, has been an amazing bonding experience, and they have become two of my best friends, or perhaps, it feels more like brother and sister. Today was a manifest to me, that to them also, I am more than just Tyler's birth mom, but their friend, for life. I have no doubt it will stay that way. The Lord is the one who found them, not me. He couldn't have chosen any better. Of course, I do not think the Lord settles for anything less than the best.
It's not easy, it's hard, getting easier. For now, at this moment, I know everything is going to be okay.
P.S. I will post more pictures soon after I get them from everyone else. (I didn't take many with my camera)
1/13/08
Prayerful Decision
I don’t really know where to begin with this blog. There is so much that needs to be said, and a lot of feelings that need to be accurately expressed. I have decided to place my baby boy for adoption. I have been wrestling with this decision since the very beginning of this pregnancy, not really knowing what I should do. For a long time I had felt as though I had not been receiving any answers or guidance from Heavenly Father. I just knew that the option was there but wasn't sure what I was supposed to do or whether I could handle it emotionally.
Since I have begun to seriously consider placing my baby for adoption, things have just been falling into place. There have been many tiny miracles that have happened both physically and emotionally for me and my family, and now I know that the Lord has guided me throughout this process.
I was given Braden and Jen's profile and had looked at it in detail several times. One night, just before Christmas, I said yet another prayer for confirmation that adoption was the right choice. A short time later, when I looked at their profile pictures again, the spirit came over me and that's when I knew they were the family for my baby boy.
I have already spoken on the phone with them and met them in person. I feel like in just this short time that I know them and that we have the potential of being great friends. My family and I feel as if we knew them before coming to earth and this is all part of God's eternal plan. I know Braden and Jen will give this baby boy the loving home he needs and I am truly excited for them!
I love you all and I hope you will support me in this decision and that you can put everyone involved in your prayers.
Since I have begun to seriously consider placing my baby for adoption, things have just been falling into place. There have been many tiny miracles that have happened both physically and emotionally for me and my family, and now I know that the Lord has guided me throughout this process.
I was given Braden and Jen's profile and had looked at it in detail several times. One night, just before Christmas, I said yet another prayer for confirmation that adoption was the right choice. A short time later, when I looked at their profile pictures again, the spirit came over me and that's when I knew they were the family for my baby boy.
I have already spoken on the phone with them and met them in person. I feel like in just this short time that I know them and that we have the potential of being great friends. My family and I feel as if we knew them before coming to earth and this is all part of God's eternal plan. I know Braden and Jen will give this baby boy the loving home he needs and I am truly excited for them!
I love you all and I hope you will support me in this decision and that you can put everyone involved in your prayers.
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